DEVASTATINGLY DIRTY DEEDS
Taylor Warrwick and John O’Connor were the final two conspirators in the big prank. They showed up at Pet Emporium the exact moment they were supposed to. Taylor didn’t quite excel in the looks department. He had a mouthpiece fierce enough to charm pretty women or representatives out of collecting big debts from him. His NYU colleagues agreed how he talked senseless crap most of the time. Taylor wished above everything he could’ve been blessed with good skin and thicker hair. Severe teenage acne and hereditary baldness deducted major points from his overall appearance. What he lacked in good looks, he made up for in shrewdness and intellect.
John O’Connor, his NYU sidekick, bolstered good looks, high intellect, and family prominence. John kept his fire red hair full on top and neatly tapered on the sides. A muscular body tone had the ladies trailing him for dates which boosted his shining image. The dark red freckles across his cheeks looked like someone had taken a red magic marker and dotted his face for an art project.
Taylor noticed Stuart towards the middle of the pet store feeding a puppy. “Hey, John, there goes the biggest nerd of the Twenty-First Century.”
John conjured up a big smile. “Yes, there’s the biggest nerd of the new millennium. The bony body frame and weird hairdo and thick glasses and all.”
“It’s amazing, he’s been a virgin his whole life.”
“I’ve known guys dorkier than him who get laid all the time.”
“Dorky guys with lots of money.”
“C’mon John, how many women do you know will give nerdy guys with no spunk the time of day?”
John sniffed a noseful of the pet shop odor. “Taylor, my buddy-ole-pal, did you see the movie ‘Revenge of the Nerds’?”
“Only about fifty times.”
“Remember the nerd who ended up with one of the prettiest women on the entire college campus?”
“The one who slipped on the Darth Vader mask.”
“Yes, my friend!” John recalled, keeping his voice to a minimum. “It wasn’t about how he looked. It was about how he worked his charm and you know what else on her.”
“In Stuart’s case, he has no charm or nothing else to work on a woman. If we’re going to make our move, it’d better be right now.”
“You’re right,” Taylor agreed. “The guys at the motel should already be set up.”
Taylor and John made their move towards Stuart. The pair of conspirators waited for him to sit the big bag of puppy food down on the floor.
Taylor marched towards Stuart as though he had the prize of a lifetime to present to him. “Hey Stuart, how’s it going, buddy?”
Stuart jumped at the vibrant octave of his voice. “Hey, hey, what’s going on, Taylor?”
“John and I are here to pick you up for your big date.”
“That’s right, tonight’s the night for my big date!”
John ran his fingers along the metal threads of the puppy cage. “Boy, do we have a real beauty picked out for you.”
“She’s good looking, huh?” Stuart asked with a blast of excitement, fog smearing up his thick bi-focal glasses.
“Better than you could’ve ever hoped.”
Stuart whispered to keep any of the store customers from hearing. “You know, guys, I myself can’t believe that I’m still a virgin. I mean, I’ve tried and asked women out, but they seem to always reject me. Looking around me, there’re guys better and worse than me when it comes to charm and good looks.”
“Sure there are,” Taylor attested. “But tonight, all the women in New York City and beyond are gonna regret they’ve ever turned down the great Stuart Duffelmeyer.”
John held in a big laugh before he spoke. “That’s right, Stuart. None of the women in this city compares to the knockout babe we’ve got lined up for you.”
Stuart cracked a cheesy grin. “I’ll owe you guys a lifetime favor for this.”
“Ahhhhhh, think nothing of it, Stuart.”
Taylor glanced down at his watch. “If you’re going to meet this beauty on time, we better get a move on it.”
“I’d hate to miss out on the biggest night of my life.”
“So would we, Stuart.”
“Give me a minute to grab my things in the back.”
“We’ll be right here, buddy.”
Stuart walked towards the back of the store with a prideful strut. No one in all of New York City could’ve been happier. To prey on someone’s insecurities was outright cruel. Taylor and John and the others simply didn’t care. The graduate students knew they wanted to have some big fun. With Stuart in the back gathering his belongings, Taylor and John were spared enough time to go over final arrangements.
“We should give the guys at the motel a call,” John suggested, keeping a sharp eye towards the back of Pet Emporium.
“Good idea,” Taylor presumed. “They should know that we’re on our way.”
Taylor pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. Using swift finger movement, he punched in the number for the master conspirator himself.
After two rings, the crumbled voice of Anthony Greenstein answered. “Taylor, talk to me, buddy.”
“Stuart’s in the back getting his things,” Taylor informed Anthony, carefully monitoring his voice.
“Everything’s set up here at the motel.”
“Again, you guys are at The American Shore Motor Lodge at 720 East 33rd Street in The South Bronx.”
“That we are.”
“Traffic here in Manhattan isn’t too bad right now. Once we get on the freeway, we should be in The South Bronx before you know it.”
“Perfect!” Anthony applauded. “Everybody’s ready to do their part once you guys get here.”
“We’ll see you at the motel.”
Taylor flipped his phone shut. A reflection of his acne-scarred face was seen from a huge aquarium holding a baby shark. An unexpected wave of fright shot through him like jolts of lightning.
“Something wrong?” John asked Taylor, noticing shaking motions from his arms.
“That shark in that tank gives me the creeps.”
“Unless it’s able to eat through that glass, or jump up and bite us in the face, then there’s nothing we should worry about.”
“Would you like to know what really creeps me out?”
“Please tell me.”
“Sharks!” Taylor buzzed. “I wasn’t even born when the movie Jaws came out, but when I saw it for the first time, I almost jumped out of my skin, only to leave my bones and muscles to fend for themselves.”
“So, you have a fear of sharks?”
“Their slippery-rubbery skin, their big, razor-sharp teeth, their long pointed noises, and their big wide fins, just scares me almost into my grave.”
“Jaws is definitely one of your classic Steven Spielberg movies. I’d watch it over and over again.”
“Not only does the shark in Jaws creeps me out, but the music played in that movie gives me nightmares.”
John tuned his voice as he took in a deep breath. “You’ll never guess what I’m afraid to death of.”
“Leprechauns?” Taylor joked, the humor rippling up his spine.
“Hurricanes!” John grappled. “Watching those waves of water pound, those strong winds blow over everything in sight, just scares me into oblivion.”
“Then stay out of the Gulf Coast region.”
Stuart came from the back of the store with his coat and other belongings. He carried a smile big enough to swallow up the entire borough of Manhattan. Supposedly, with a beautiful date lined up, he was about to fulfill his lifetime fantasy. The drought of being a virgin was about to come to an end. So he thought. Eight of the most atrocious conspirators had something totally different lined up for him.
“Ready to begin your big night, Stuart?” Taylor asked, a profound look of mischievousness lined across his acne-ravaged face.
“Readier than I’ve ever been,” Stuart grinned, sheets of blush waved over his face.
“This beauty we’ve picked out for you is mind-blowing.”
“Then let’s go see her!” he shouted, happier than he’s ever been.
Stuart got in on the passenger’s side of the gray BMW owned by Taylor. John climbed into the backseat while Taylor fired up the car. The group of three NYU students were on their way to one of the biggest setups known to mankind.
Poor Stuart Duffelmeyer.
If only he knew what the night had in store for him.
The noise of the violence from around The American Shore Motor Lodge in the South Bronx calmed down long enough for Anthony and the others to put their plans into action. Everything set up to make the prank a success was in place. Taylor and John came around to the back of the polished BMW and opened the door for Stuart. Good actors they were. They had to be given an A-plus for pretending like Stuart deserved such star treatment.
“Are we in the Bronx?” Stuart asked Taylor and John, staring around at the harsh urban elements up and down the street.
“The South Bronx we are in,” Taylor replied with such an astute tone.
“A lot of these people around this motel look like they’re homeless or drug addicts.”
Stuart studied the troop of street warriors going in and out of the motel. He felt uneasy. Being a native of Rosebeck in Staten Island, he wasn’t used to witnessing this type of madness.
“This motel houses a lot of homeless families from around New York,” Taylor explained, cutting his eyes over at John.
“Why’d you guys pick out such a dirty motel in such a bad section of this borough?”
“We didn’t wanna draw any unwelcome attention. Are you ready to meet the drop dead gorgeous woman we picked out especially for you?”
“Sure!” Stuart hailed, more excited than a big lottery winner.
Taylor and John led Stuart up to the door. John tapped on the door four consecutive times. The taps were softly executed. Those on the inside understood rather clearly. The knob to the door turned with seduction. Taylor and John interlocked arms with Stuart and led him to the front of the motel room. The low-lit Christmas lights flashed from one end of the room to the next. Abdullah flicked the lights on and off from inside one of the walk-in closets.
“Are you Stuart Duffelmeyer, baby?” asked one of the most seductive women voices.
The sexy voice actually belonged to Megan Piccirillo. She delivered on her promise to Anthony. Her voice crept out of a closet on the opposite side of the room.
“Yes! Yes! I’m Stuart Duffelmeyer!” Stuart heaved, growing more excited by the second.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Stuart. Damn, you are one sexy man.”
“Hope you don’t mind me asking. What is your name?”
“Rachel, but my friends all call me ‘Desire’.”
“Yes, you’ll desire me in every way.”
The lights flicked on and off. The voice only got sexier.
Abdullah and Megan worked their perverted talents like clockwork. A wave of soft love music faltered into the room. Speakers were placed in opposite corners near the bed. David handled the music by hooking a set of jacks into a laptop computer with i-tunes downloaded onto the hard drive.
“Mind if I come closer?” Stuart proposed, his libido in full throttle.
“No, babe, not at all.”
Taylor and John pointed over to the bed. It was their signal for Stuart to make his move.
“Your voice sounds sexy as ever.”
“Why thank you, honey.”
Stuart came within inches of the bed. The flowing blonde hair overlapped the covers. The missile-like breasts made a print which caused Stuart to water at the mouth. The curves of her body brought a high gloss to his eyes.
“Like what you see?” the sweet voice asked.
“Love what I see!” Stuart snuffed, his breathing much greater. “But I’d really love to see your face away from the covers.”
“You will, honey, just be patient.”
“Looks like you have a gorgeous head of hair.”
“Like threads of fine blonde silk.”
Stuart threw his head upwards. The most inquisitive look came upon his face. “Your voice sorta sounds familiar.”
“Like who, sweetie?”
“Like someone I attend NYU with.”
Megan tuned her voice to higher, more seductive octaves. “Who’s this person you’re talking about?”
“I’d say Megan Piccirillo, but that’s totally absurd.”
“No, that’s not me. Like I told you, my name’s Rachel, better known as ‘Desire’.”
“Can I come closer?”
“Sure, why not.”
From inside the same closet as Megan, Anthony was eager to execute his plan. The mechanical controls to the centerfold fantasy love doll were at his disposal. With the push of a couple of buttons, the arms and legs on the doll moved. Megan heckled out a series of moans and groans to entice Stuart. The music changed from one soothing love song to another. With Megan providing the voice, Abdullah working the lights, David playing the music, and Anthony executing the movement of the fantasy doll, things operated smoothly.
“Don’t be shy, darling. Come closer to me.”
“Looks like you’ve got a very pretty face.”
“Like that of a Hollywood starlet.”
“Who, for instance?”
“For instance, Brooke Shields or Jennifer Aniston or Charlize Theron.”
“Boy, do I like them.”
Taylor and John waved hand signals for Stuart to make his move. And a big move he made. He invited himself to sit at the middle of the bed. Without being told, he reached over and palmed the large and squeezable soft breasts with perky nipples on the centerfold fantasy doll.
“Like them?” the enticing voice asked.
“Love them!” Stuart favored, moments away from fulfilling his dream. So he thought.
“Rumor has it, you’re still a virgin.”
Stuart grinned from ear-to-ear. “Well, it’s kinda true.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, honey. That’s why your NYU classmates set this whole thing up.”
Stuart placed both hands down by the doll’s hips and legs. “Wow, you’ve got some soft legs.”
“They’re not the only things on my body that’re soft.”
“Really! What exactly are your measurements?”
“My bust is 36c, my waist is 24, and my hips are 36.”
“A perfect 36-24-36?”
“Yes, the perfect hourglass body.”
Anthony continued working the controls to the centerfold fantasy love doll like a mechanic working on a fully-tuned car. Abdullah continued flicking the lights on and off at perfect intervals. Neighboring motel residents would’ve thought they were celebrating Christmas in the dead of spring. Megan continued disguising her voice better than any celebrated actress. David softened the music with each passing love song.
Stuart rolled the covers away from the mechanical doll. The face was easy on the eyes, yet the features seemed artificial. He glided his fingers across the face and the surface felt like that of soft plastic. Out of nowhere, little white insects crawled from under the covers. Hundreds, maybe thousands, crawled from every inch of the bed. Stuart jerked the covers to the end of the bed. How degenerate of him to discover that he’d been talking to a mechanical sex doll with thousands of disgusting maggots buried under the sheets.
Stuart jumped away from the bed. He brushed many maggots off his clothes. “What the heck!”
Anthony’s voice rung out from inside the closet. “Go ahead and do it now!”
Taylor hit the light switch. The whole room lit up with extra lighting provided by Anthony. With about one-third of the bag of maggots left, Dana appeared from out of nowhere and dumped the remaining contents on top of Stuart’s head. The nasty white insects crawled into his mouth and nose and ears.
Prudence didn’t make her move until Stuart decided to run towards the door. She emptied the bucket of the slippery and slimy compound onto the floor. He fell flat to the floor harder than an NFL star being tackled by an opponent.
Anthony rushed to the middle of the room and looked down at Stuart. “Stu, congratulations, baby! You’re no longer a virgin, buddy boy.”
This jerkoff laughed harder than an audience at The Laugh Factory. The coldhearted bastard had no remorse for what he’d just done.
Megan eased out of the closet and stood right next to Anthony. “Look at it like this, Stuart, your date that we set you up with, she wasn’t bad to be made out of a bunch of plastic and mechanical controls.”
She laughed so hard until a deep redness overshadowed her glowing olive complexion. How much colder could an individual get?
Abdullah came out of the closet giggling himself into a coma. “My man, Stu, I hope you enjoyed this as much as we did.”
Abdullah laughed until a sharp pain hit him at the middle of his back.
David emerged from the dark closet snickering his windpipe into a knot. “Well, Stu, you’re the first guy that I’ve ever met who broke his virginity to a mechanical sex doll.”
Dana stepped closer to Stuart. She shook the last few maggots out of the bag and down onto his chest. “Stuart, your date has holes that vibrate, giving you a feeling that’ll send you over the edge.”
More maggots crawled up his nostrils and into his mouth and ears.
Like the others, Dana nearly laughed herself into a blackout.
Prudence positioned herself next to Dana. She shook the remaining contents of the slimy compound onto the top of Stuart’s head. “My friend, Stuart, we only hope that your fantasy girl is everything that you’ve ever wanted in a woman.”
Prudence laughed hard enough to cough up gooey mucous.
Taylor and John were over by the door barely able to stand up straight. The pair used one another as leverage to keep from falling to the floor. The laughter was intense.
“Stu, my man, I’d love to trade places with you,” Taylor mocked, stumbling over his words.
“Tonight, Stu, you’re the luckiest man in the world,” John ridiculed, holding onto the doorknob to keep from falling down. “You have pure fantasy and fulfillment right at your disposal.”
Between being set up with a woman who was nothing but plastic and electrical wiring, having maggots and a slimy compound poured on top of his head, and being made a complete fool, Stuart couldn’t help but lay sprawled across the floor while crying his eyeballs out of the sockets. He cried and cried until tears shot towards the very core of his mouth.
“You guys set me up!” Stuart yelled, his cries being heard from nearby motel rooms.